And I'm officially and unofficially (because that horrible awful paperwork process that I haven't even started. ew.) Lauren Frontiera!!!
It's crazy town.
To be honest, the whole "new identity" and being a "WIFE" and having a "HUSBAND" thing just hasn't sunk in yet. Josh and I have lived together for over three years now, we have a furry baby together, and we've been living like we were "married" for awhile now. So, a lot hasn't changed. But wow oh wow, the past month of our lives has been a whirlwind.
I'll be doing a wedding week recap on the blog soon, so I'll share with you how we turned our wedding day into a wedding week celebration and truly made the most of it. It was amazing.
But it also sucked.
am i allowed to say that?!
I've been thinking long and hard about sharing the flip side of the awesome-amazing-totally-in-love-this-is-our-fairytale side of the past month with you ... because while it was everything I dreamed of ... it wasn't everything I dreamed it would be.
It was overwhelming. It was exhausting. It was hard and tedious and not always fun. And sometimes, I lost sight of what we were celebrating because I was too busy making sure everything was checked off my list, the table seating assignments were perfect, and everyone else was having fun and enjoying themselves. Chronic people pleaser problem, eh.
Throughout the crazy, tedious, anxiety-inducing process, I had this light-bulb moment. I realized that our wedding day will be one of the most amazing, memorable days of my life. But the meaning isn't in the actual wedding. The real meaning is in our hearts ... mine and Josh's. And while I hate that too often during the past month I got caught up in the "meaning" of the wedding, I know that last Saturday, on our wedding day, the only meaning that mattered ... the thing that I'll remember about that day for the rest of my life ... is the overwhelming love and adoration I felt for Josh. It was the humbled honor of knowing that he chooses to spend his forever with me. That's all that matters. That's all the meaning that I ever need.
And isn't that true of so many days and moments and memories of our lives? Isn't that true of all of our relationships? And our businesses? And our passion projects? And our families? And our vacations?
It's so easy to get caught up in big plans and even bigger celebrations. But when the plans go awry and the celebrations end, we feel empty. Because we've been searching for meaning in all of the wrong places.
Our wedding day will be one of the most meaningful days of my life ... because of the love we have for each other in our hearts. Because of the meaning behind our vows we shared with one another. Because of the way I felt Josh's heart explode into mine when we'd squeeze hands on the dance floor or kiss a million times throughout the night. That's where the meaning was all along, before, during, and after our big day. And that's where it will always be.
Psstt ... I'll be sharing more wedding pics tomorrow! Stay tuned!!
And in podcast news, I took the past two weeks off of the podcast, in case you didn't notice. My see-saw was overloaded and I had to find some unbalanced balance somewhere (listen to episode 16 for more on my unbalanced life and my go-to question for choosing priorities). So, I took two weeks off of the podcast so that I could focus on enjoying our friends and family and my hubba hubba hubby during one of the most exciting weeks of our lives!!! But starting this week, the podcast is back up and spitting new episodes into the world wide web's ears and hearts every Thursday! And there's some GOOD stuff coming at ya ... I mean heart-shaking, soul-filling kind of good stuff! Get ready!